So it seems I have a bit of explaining to do. Goodness, where to start??
First off, I'm still having to borrow my mother's laptop to do any blogging. I've still yet to replace my old laptop and I'm waiting for a reason, but regardless, that's one excuse. Also, things have been very different for me lately. I've been working like crazy in my new position at my job. I became very quickly fed up with my first one and was thinking very strongly of leaving if I couldn't get transferred. Luckily, I was and now I'm content enough to say I'll at least have a place to earn a regular paycheck until I leave for Boston next year!!! That's right, I'm planning to attend Berklee College of Music for Video Game Composition! XD Truly excited for this dream to be realized. My love, Martin, is being incredibly brave and supportive and is willing to go check the place out with me. If everything is go, we'll be moving out there both after he finishes paying off his schooling and after my trip to Japan!! I'M SO EXCITED!!
That all being said, I'm almost terrified. Martin says I should be because it's a scary thing. However, I'm less afraid of moving and more afraid of failing. I know if I stick to my studies, I should be academically fine, but I'm concerned about my creative juices not flowing as much as they should. I've expanded my musical horizons, but I've practiced a heck of a lot less than I should. My guitar calluses are GONE!! I'm really not in good shape for it, but doing something is better than never doing something, so I'm going to try and give it my all anyway!! XD
Completely off topic, I just recently made a pact for myself that I know if I told some people, they wouldn't be understanding about, but it's a personal decision I've had to force upon myself for a few reasons I don't really want to disclose, but I will share what it is regardless. I've decided from here until I've acquired all the items I've been pining over, I will be only purchasing new designer clothing and accessories for myself. As I said, to some, it will sound absurd, but trust me when I say that there is more than one good reason behind it. I know I will need to also save money for my move, but 1) that's about a year away, 2) I have very few bills in my current situation, 3) I am incredibly bad at not spending money for weeks at a time or even days. I'm hoping that this will not only improve my wardrobe, but it will inspire patience and better spending habits in the future, and yes, I know how immature that sounds. I have great discipline when it comes to things such as my newfound health and paying my bills on time (I tend to brag about my perfect credit), but I'm not going to kid myself and say there isn't room for dramatic self-improvement. Even as a Buddhist, fashion is something very important to me and has been a huge part of my entire life. There isn't a picture of me as a child where my mother isn't dressing me to the 9s, and, as I get older, I've been educating myself more and more about the effects fast fashion has on the world as a whole, and I'm with Vivienne Westwood when she says that needs to stop. I'll still buy a lot of secondhand vintage in the future as I've always done, but at the moment, when it comes to wanting to spend money, I'll be saving more often to build up a closet of quality, not quantity. Buying secondhand, it's easy to go overboard because of the low prices, but I have so much stuff as it is; I need less, but I want to be one of those people who has high-quality, cohesive pieces that will look great, fit my needs, and suit all my style(s). This doesn't just go for fashion items, either. This applies to everything I tend to collect, from all the forms of media I'm addicted to (books, movies, toys, etc.) that just take up the rest of my spending money. I want to cut back on the idea that money is burning a hole in my pocket, and I'm thinking of this as a form of training. As I said, I'm sure few people will understand, but that's my deal right now and I'm sticking to it. NO MORE SPENDING UNTIL I HAVE WHAT I'VE STARED AT FOR YEARS. At the risk of sounding selfish, I'm not going to disclose exactly what I've been pining over because it would be just my luck that they be sold out by the time I go to purchase them, but I promise to write a full review of each item when I receive them!! X3 (Hashbrown, first world problems, much?)
This deal, however, will not have an effect on my Christmas gifts for others. I already started buying and wrapping them! Normally, I'd be disappointed with myself for it, seeing as how it's not even Halloween yet, but since I'll likely be working about 30+ hours a week during the holiday season, you can easily see why I would need to. My schedule's been crazy as it is and it's not even November!
And yes, I still celebrate Christmas, and will always do so. Not only is it a family thing, it's a nostalgia thing. My entire life, I've always loved Christmas. I love the specials, I love the songs, I love the lights, and I love the giving. I love the charity, I love the family, and I love the overwhelming feel of gratefulness that washes over me as I think of the fact that I have a warm roof over my head, food on the table, and a loving, supportive family. So many people worldwide lack one or all of those things, and while I can help a few, I can't help them all. It makes me sad and so thankful at the same time.
Another thing about Christmas for me is that it reminds me of way back when I was a young Catholic girl. I haven't been a theist for a long time, but seeing as how it was my life for my first 9 years, there is always that place of fondness for it. I was mulling this over today while watching The Devil Inside, ironically. I've been watching SOOOOO many horror films getting spooked for the season and to expand my horror horizons. I used to dislike horror films, but lately, that seems not to be so true. I still don't care for too much cold-blood violence and gore, though. I like the psychological/supernatural stuff. My favorite was The Shining for a long time, but the Insidious movies have kinda taken its place. They're just fun with just the right amount of horror flick cheese. Martin just re-watched The Last Exorcism with me because I hadn't seen it yet and I can't wait to watch part 2 with him!
Anyway, I'm getting a little ramble-y and slap-happy. Hopefully I didn't just type anything I'll regret having posted in the morning, but OH WELL!! XD Do you think we become more honest or just sillier as we get tired? Either way, you may not hear from me for a while again, but I hope I'll have something WAY more substantial to talk about by then. As I said, reviews of stuff to come!
I'm so sleepy. I love you ALL!! <3 <3 <3
xx
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